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Testing Testing 1 2 3

So of course I tested, and of course it was negative… Yesterday I tested just for kicks because I found an old expired first response digital test. Thought it would be fun and didn’t want to use it when I was hoping to trust the result since it’s expired. It was negative, as expected. Not only was it not first morning urine (as recommended) but it was also only 4 days past my 5 day transfer… so very early.

Then this morning I was scared to test, but caved because I had a first response early result (that I found along with the digital) that wasn’t expired and if anything was going to give me an accurate result the earliest it would be that test. Unfortunately it came up negative again, as did my cheap internet test strip. I had a cry, then talked myself out of my funk as best I could. It is only 5 days past the 5 day transfer after all.

I actually was chuckling to myself… I’ve been watching Friends (as I often do) and recently watched the episode when Phoebe transfers Frank & Alice’s embryos. Well first off, they transfer 5 which is cray cray, but was more common back then so we’ll let that slide. Also Alice is older so it’s reasonable to believe egg quality was an issue. But what really got me was Phoebe comes home from the transfer and puts her feet up. She takes a test that day when they pop by and gets a positive. Like huh!? Hahah… them be some magical eggies!

Wish that were the case in real life! Unfortunately, not so much. I will undoubtedly test again tomorrow but I’m trying to be realistic with my expectations at this point. I even took a moment to start drawing up a plan for the new year. I’m still writing in my affirmations book, still thinking as positive as I can, but also coping the only way I know how and as a planner that’s to plan!

Let me just say for a moment that this path I’m on really sucks. No like, I’m frickin’ so sick of it. I don’t want it to be my story anymore. I am perfectly happy having gone through what I have up to this point but I just feel like I’ve really paid my dues and watched so many others, in real life and in the infertility community alike, go on to have their families. And I’m sitting here losing hair, eating a really restrictive lame un-fun diet, not able to work, and zip… nilch… nadda. It’s just frustrating beyond belief. I found a fostering/adoption information session for mid January. We were originally planning on going in Nov/Dec but with our IVF it kind of got forgotten about. So now we’ll go in the New Year possibly.

#infertility #bfn #hpt #earlypregnancytesting #poas #poasaddict #ttc #infertilityawareness #ivf #fet