April 24, 2018

This year's theme for National Infertility Awareness Week is Flip The Script. It's always left open to interpretation of course, but for me I really wanted to focus on how a couple's infertility affects those around them. 

I sent a number of people in our personal circle a few questions (varied based on our relationship) and have been sharing quotes from their answers on Instagram. I felt, however, that the answers given from some of our parents needed to be shared more fully. It was a really interesting experience for me personally because these are questions we never really stop and ask. Perhaps in part we are afraid of the answers. Perhaps we simply don't want to relive the pain we experienced. Whatever the reason, I think in a big way we need to hear these words. The outside world too can benefit from understanding that infertility doesn't just affect a couple, but all those around them.

Q

When we first told you about our infertility, what was your reaction?

Parent-A: Surprised th...

February 4, 2018

Oh how I wish my birth story were different. I'm sure that is the case for most women out there. For me, I knew my birth story would likely include a c-section given Beau had been transverse our entire pregnancy. That being said, I remained hopeful that he would flip. I prepared for the likelihood, but did everything in my power to encourage him to move into a head down position. Twice weekly chiropractic appointments with webster technique... diving into pools... spinning babies exercises... bouncing on a ball. You name it, I probably tried it.

As we neared our due date, we began to doubt he'd have room. Our OB began to discuss with us the option for version. I did a lot of research, looking over the statistics and trying to make the most informed decision possible. Ultimately, according to my reading and understanding, transverse baby versions are not as successful as breech. And even in general the statistics were not overly encouraging. My OB had never personally been successful, an...

July 11, 2017

Melissa Rauch, who plays Bernadine on The Big Bang Theory, recently announced her pregnancy. In doing so, she also opted to open up about her miscarriage, sharing her experience through an essay for Glamour.

“During the time when I was grieving over my pregnancy loss or struggling with fertility issues, every joyful, expectant baby announcement felt like a tiny stab in the heart. It’s not that I wasn’t happy for these people, but I would think, “Why are these shiny, carefree, fertile women so easily able to do what I cannot?” And then I’d immediately feel guilt and shame for harboring that jealousy”

Although I have never suffered through the pain of a miscarriage (or stillbirth), as an infertility warrior I can’t help but hold immense empathy for those that have to endure such an experience. I’ve never been one of those infertiles who stated or proclaimed “well at least you know you can get pregnant!” I knew those words would be hurtful and insensitive, and I had no place to comment on a...

May 23, 2017

Where to begin… First, let it be said that Mother’s Day is a beautiful day to honor the strong women who have brought all of us on this earth into existence. Without our mothers, we wouldn’t exist. We take time on that day to acknowledge and thank them for all they have done, and continue to do for us, and they certainly deserve it. That being said, Mother’s Day is so very hard for so many women for so many different reasons. The one reason that strikes closest to my own heart, is that of infertility.

Infertility can make a lot of situations incredibly painful, and Mother’s Day is certainly no exception. I thought that finally having fallen pregnant, the day would instantly be converted to one of pure happiness and joy. I was wrong. Unfortunately my last 5 mother’s days were spent yearning for what others had and were celebrating, and that shifted my perspective. Although this year I was pregnant and so beyond joyful and grateful for where I’d gotten to, I was also still deeply saddened...

April 26, 2017

April 23, 2017

This week is one for which I hold a special place in my heart. Not only is it my birthday week (happy birthday to me!), but it also happens to be National Infertility Awareness Week. Was I destined for this path? Sometimes this particular week in April makes me feel so. But it doesn’t in any way take away from my birthday celebrations. In fact, I’ve always accepted infertility as part of me, and avoided feeling shameful or pained by that… until shortly before our last IVF that is.

See, I used to call myself Femme InFertile. I had a blog documenting my struggles, not so different from this one. The difference was, I chose to accept infertility as a major part of my identity. I WAS Femme InFertile. I was loud, I would raise awareness, I made myself a poster woman of the disease. I didn’t see anything wrong with that, but in reality, I believe I lost pieces of my old self along the way. I became so consumed by my infertility struggles that a lot of what made me ME fell by the wayside. No l...

March 17, 2017

So we had a detailed 15 week scan with a MFM doc and all looks great. Was so much fun to see little man wiggling around and all his little features that are getting more and more pronounced as the days go on. We finally felt a bit more of the relief I had been looking for.

I’ve shed a few tears since that day. Happy tears. As I reflected on all of my years struggling to conceive, and as I really absorbed and acknowledged I was in the second trimester, I felt overwhelming in the best way possible. I finally made it! I am pregnant, and actually believing it will lead to a baby. It was the first time I allowed myself to truly be excited, and it was such a euphoric moment. But I still remember and feel the pain like it was yesterday, and in a sense it allows me to be more than happy. I feel eternally blessed, and immensely indescribably grateful.

When we first started trying to get pregnant I had these images of what our experience would be like. Maybe we’d try a few months… I’d secretl...

January 16, 2017

For someone who battled infertility, the phrases “don’t stress” or “just relax” while trying to conceive are met with inner cringes. But they are also the most commonly offered words of “advice” or “wisdom” imparted when a couple finally shares their difficulty in starting a family. Well these phrases, turns out, aren’t just reserved for those hoping to get pregnant.

Let me start by saying if you personally have at some point or another told someone to relax or to not stress, it doesn’t make you a bad person. If you know me and care about me, you’ve likely even said it to me at some point in time in some context. Heck, I’ve possibly said it to you! But let’s look at what we’re asking of someone when we say those words.

YOUR STRESS IS NOT VALID

First let’s understand what stress is. Stress (defined by good ole Mr. Google) is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.

Alright… so in the context of a couple who is struggl...

January 3, 2017

First off, it’s been a while since I last posted so in case you’re wondering about beta #2 it almost doubled and came in at 379. I would have loved to have gotten at least a doubling rate within 48 hours but this is still very strong progression and promising for sure. My first ultrasound will hopefully be next Monday but I didn’t previously have an OB so getting an appointment has been tricky.

It’s been interesting this last week since our second beta… I’ve been anxious, happy, hopeful and downright scared. When I say this, a lot of people don’t understand. Everyone goes through some anxiety in early pregnancy people might argue, and that is very true, but what those who have never suffered with infertility don’t understand is just how magnified it is for those of us who struggled so significantly to get to this point in the first place. Fear is fear, and I don’t mean to discount anyone’s journey. We are each navigating our own paths and our feelings are valid. But what I try to make p...

December 25, 2016

So today is 9 days past our transfer, and if not for the holidays, would have been the day that we had our first beta. It sucks that we have to wait a couple extra days because of holiday hour closures etc. but in the end, a few days isn’t the end of the world. Feels that way a little bit right now simply because I’m so full of anxiety, but time will pass and next thing I know we’ll be anxiously awaiting beta #2.

That’s how it works anyway right!? Once you’re past one milestone, you’re simply worrying about the next… and the next… and the next. It’s never ending. If I can learn to let go a little bit now it’ll only serve me better in the long run. But it’s hard. Very hard.

See the thing about battling infertility is that you feel as though your body has failed you. You lack trust in your system knowing what to do, and also in its ability to do it. So yes I’m pregnant, but for that reason I’m struggling to really accept and enjoy it. Instead I’m filled with doubts about the viability, dou...

Please reload

©2018 BY LIV 4 TODAY. PROUDLY CREATED WITH WIX.COM