INQUIRIES

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Thanks for dropping in. Liv 4 Today started out as mostly an infertility blog covering topics related to our journey and reflections on living through it. Things changed when on our fourth (and final) IVF transfer, we were finally blessed with a miracle. Beau William was born in August of 2017 and so our journey transitioned from one of infertility, to motherhood. Infertility will always be part of me, and it affects motherhood in ways that

I couldn’t imagine. Join us for this wild ride!

MIRACLES HAPPEN

EVERY DAY

February 4, 2018

December 24, 2016

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January 16, 2017

For someone who battled infertility, the phrases “don’t stress” or “just relax” while trying to conceive are met with inner cringes. But they are also the most commonly offered words of “advice” or “wisdom” imparted when a couple finally shares their difficulty in starting a family. Well these phrases, turns out, aren’t just reserved for those hoping to get pregnant.

Let me start by saying if you personally have at some point or another told someone to relax or to not stress, it doesn’t make you a bad person. If you know me and care about me, you’ve likely even said it to me at some point in time in some context. Heck, I’ve possibly said it to you! But let’s look at what we’re asking of someone when we say those words.

YOUR STRESS IS NOT VALID

First let’s understand what stress is. Stress (defined by good ole Mr. Google) is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances.

Alright… so in the context of a couple who is struggl...

January 9, 2017

6th week is here and anxieties and fears are still running rampant. Unfortunately, this part of pregnancy after infertility is something I don’t think anyone could have adequately prepared me for. In the past, I would have perhaps even scoffed at the thought of being anything but grateful following a positive pregnancy test. And grateful I am, but early pregnancy also comes with many other less desirable feelings and emotions.

Today I should be filming my 6 week bumpdate for my vlog, but it’s already 3pm and for whatever reason I still haven’t brought myself to do it. I know a lot of my procrastination is rooted in fear. It is as though I refuse to acknowledge this pregnancy until I have been given unequivocal proof of its existence. That proof will never come, because nothing is certain in this life, and I know that. But yet I continue to guard my heart.

Part of why I am so guarded this week in particular is because in the last few days I’ve had some less than ideal symptoms.

1. RASH FRO...

January 4, 2017

So I woke up this morning feeling “less pregnant” than I have in a long time. I had energy, my boobs weren’t sore, I just felt kind of just fine… of course this was incredibly unsettling. The first thing I did when I popped out of bed was take a home pregnancy test hoping to ease my mind. Well that was a fail. It was lighter than it was 2 days ago.

Now I will admit, my afternoon tests seem to be consistently darker than morning tests. I’m not sure if that’s in some way due to the suppositories overnight, or my natural hormone fluctuations. Regardless an afternoon test from 2 days ago (well 1.5 if we’re being anal) in my mind should have been very similar to a morning test today. Perhaps I’m wrong, and a friend of mine tried to reassure me that she experienced the same thing and to not trust the sticks but it’s so very very hard.

That being said, many women have suggested I get a third beta to make sure my levels are rising appropriately so I finally caved and asked my RE (reproductive en...

January 3, 2017

First off, it’s been a while since I last posted so in case you’re wondering about beta #2 it almost doubled and came in at 379. I would have loved to have gotten at least a doubling rate within 48 hours but this is still very strong progression and promising for sure. My first ultrasound will hopefully be next Monday but I didn’t previously have an OB so getting an appointment has been tricky.

It’s been interesting this last week since our second beta… I’ve been anxious, happy, hopeful and downright scared. When I say this, a lot of people don’t understand. Everyone goes through some anxiety in early pregnancy people might argue, and that is very true, but what those who have never suffered with infertility don’t understand is just how magnified it is for those of us who struggled so significantly to get to this point in the first place. Fear is fear, and I don’t mean to discount anyone’s journey. We are each navigating our own paths and our feelings are valid. But what I try to make p...

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